What's your reaction?

I have emotional meltdowns from time to time. Most are related to my attempt to reach out to a woman only to receive a chilling or even terrifying response. One meltdown in particular, although it wasn't that bad, was related to a woman I briefly fell for. She was friends with my neighbors and a mutual friend. As we were all hanging out one night, she and two guys went into a room and began to fuck. Fuck. 

I couldn't believe it. It was beyond belief for me. My world was utterly, utterly, shattered. I can't explain it. It hurt bad. It was beyond anything I could imagine doing. The part of me that reaches out for acceptance is an emotional infant, a naked piss-soaked baby, an irrational cry for what? For simply reciprocation. If not, it's over, I'm done, meltdown begun, clear the area, China Syndrome imminent. 

Two days later I reached out to a group of friends with whom I played an online game three days a week on a website we maintained about the game. Childish? Yeah, to some. To others, it's a life like any other. That was mine then. In the miscellaneous section I spilled my guts as poetically as I could about the situation. The one response that remains with me was from a young but wise man, who told me simply, "I've learned that you can't change the world around you, but you can control how you react to it."

Looking back on that situation with my lady of interest entering a room with a couple of friends I could have reacted differently. I could have shrugged it off. I could have joined them. Hell, I could have remained outside with my neighbor's girlfriend and we could have had our own 'party' and not the pity party I threw haphazardly as the moans spilled out from under the closed door. 

You may not be able to change the world around you, but you sure as hell can change your reaction to it.