new star song

The Mountain Goats had a song on their "Beautiful Rat Sunset" EP that became synonymous with loss. The song was called "New Star Song," and it's about a person's search for a lost other. The song's  narrator goes to another town and hunkers down outside a sheet music store. The narrative was subtle yet at times powerfully emotional. I first thought of a Far Side comic where a boy posts a lost poster of a rather large snake. But the song ultimately made me think of you.

You is Amy Metcalf. I call her the one that got away. She is married with kids and some kind of high-powered executive job now. Time flies. We got along so well. That was my impression. She was simply very accommodating. We'd bounce macabre humor off of each other. It entertained my idealistic and precocious late teen self. We stayed in touch for a few years after high school, but that only lasted so long. I moved away. I didn't leave for long, and some like to look upon my return as a retreat from potential success.

But a body with no job to which it must report becomes a restless one. And that is why I came back to thinking of you.

Do you think of me?

You probably think about your kids more than anything these days. Some parts of your day are probably punctuated by work deadlines.

Does anything in your life remind you of me? I can only dream that somebody thinks of me.

But that's an old habit acquired from years of being alone, unattached. Now I am attached, but it brings me very little in the way of passionate outcry.